Compromising vs. Settling

I am single, and for the most part, happily so. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times when I really wish that I was part of a couple. But overall, I am happy with my life. I was at a dinner party last night, and the host and I were chatting about my singlehood. As I looked around the table, I can honestly say that I would not have considered even one of those men as a suitor. One would think that I might be too picky, but believe me that is not the case.

I got to thinking, and realized the different between compromising and settling. I am happy to compromise on my criteria for a mate. I honestly believe that you cannot start out with a list of criteria and I also believe that you will never really get 100% of what you want. But I also don’t think that I am willing to settle for less than what I believe is acceptable.

Quite frankly, looks are not that important to me, and anyone who has seen some of the people I’ve gone out with will vouch for this (sadly!). But education, values, morals, and personality are super important. These are things I will not compromise on. I refuse to settle just to have a man in my life….he must be the right man.

New Rule: Recognize the difference between compromising and settling. And be true to yourself and your needs when faced with this choice.

- SR

Face yourself….

There is a time in your life that you will have to come to terms with the real you. You think you know who you are, but the reality is that you generally know only the ‘you’ that you want to know.

Think of the things that truly scare you….your most vulnerable insecurities and fears. When you face these, only then are you facing yourself. It took me a very long time to admit certain fears and insecurities that plague me. But once I admitted them to myself, I was able to understand why I sometimes do what I do. Only by realizing what I was afraid of was I able to start to find ways to ‘fix’ myself.

New Rule: Don’t let your fears and insecurities rule you and shape your actions. Don’t hide from yourself. Instead, face your demons head on and do what you can to fight them and become stronger.

- SR

Ask for what you want.....

Life isn’t fair. It’s hard to accept it, but it’s the truth. The other day I randomly came across a book, the title of which really resonated with me, and quite frankly, really hit home. The following is true not just in business, but also in life……

New Rule: You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.

- SR

Relationship Cancer……

You know what I am talking about. You meet a guy. You start dating said guy. But some part of you is not really happy. You start making excuses for him. The relationship continues. It’s been 2 years now…..you’ve never been truly happy but things are not really thaaaaat bad. Plus, it’s better than being alone.

During this time, he has mistreated you, perhaps even cheated on you but you want to believe that it will never happen again. Somehow its been 5…7….years now, and quite honestly you don’t know where the time went! Now you’re too afraid to break up with him even though you know its not a healthy relationship for you. The thought of ‘starting over’ at 37…40…whatever is just too daunting.

Like a malicious cancer in a healthy body, your relationship has been contaminated and ruined to the point of no return. You just don’t know what you can or should do now. Relationship cancer is like physical, bodily cancer. If you don’t attack it and even cut it out, it WILL take over your whole life and possibly ruin you.

New Rule: If it doesn’t work for you, sever it. Don’t ‘give it time’; Don’t let the cancer spread.

- SR