The thing about Tough Love.....

…..is that it is diffult for everyone. It is often difficult to give, is frequently unappreciated and sometimes misunderstood. Several weeks ago, EJ gave me some tough love. At that moment, I think she felt bad being ‘harsh’ with me, and I felt a little bitch-slapped by life and ever so slightly by my friend. But the next day, I also realized something. She is my friend. She only wants the best for me, and I trust her without limitation.

She would have been remiss in our friendship had she NOT given me a dose of reality that was much needed. Even though it hurt me a little bit, it was what I needed to acknowledge and what she explicitly needed to say to me b/c I just was not listening.

New Rule: Realize that tough love is difficult for the giver as well as the receiver. But also realize that like medicine that is sometimes bitter to swallow, it is for your own good, and your fabulous friend is your physician.

- SR

To do or not to do……

Reflecting (yet again!) on my life....and how much time I have spent vacillating about whether to do something or not...whether to do this or do that, I realized that no matter how many hours I had spent thinking about things and the various options and alternatives I had....when it was time to actually make the decision, the choice was always much more obvious than I'd ever expected it to be.

I think we all spend so much time worrying about whether to do this or whether to do that that we forget one thing…..when the time is right, the correct decision is usually quite obvious.

Think about it, and you’ll see many examples of this in your own life.

New Rule: Decisions usually make themselves when the time is right.

- SR

There are no rules

On one hand there is a prince, a gem of a man who is offering up his heart and soul to me on a silver platter, who would do anything and everything to be with me...

And then there is the selfish, egotistical, lazy, inconsiderate almost-man who, after many months and some tears, has finally made himself available and has finally expressed interest in taking me out for the evening.

Smart rules would say, go for the prince, reciprocate his feelings, relish in loving and being loved, be treated as you deserve to be. Don't waste your time with Almost-Man. He doesn't deserve your time or attention. All he wants is to get laid, and you know that perfectly well.

OK fine. But maybe I am not so smart. Maybe I don't always follow the "smart" rules. After all, I am only human, and I enjoy being wanted just as much as the next girl.

New Rule: When it comes to needing to feel desired, maybe it's OK to break the smart rules now and then. As long as you don't beat yourself up about it.

- EJ

Express Yourself

Apologies for being out of touch, offline, in another world for the past few months. I have no excuse, other than sheer lack of creativity and interest. And I realize now that the lack of interest is part of a vicious cycle, that the longer one goes without expressing oneself, the harder it is to return to the creative side. It's kind of like going to the gym... we all know how weak those muscles become and how lazy the body will be the longer we avoid exercise, how much harder it is to return after weeks or months away from the gym. Exercising the creative brain is no different. It needs constant attention and flexing to remain sharp, innovative, interesting.

Since my last post, so much has happened. My father was diagnosed with a not-so-rare but scary nonetheless heart condition. It really put things into perspective and frightened me in ways I have never before experiences. He is my dad. He is my rock. I cannot imagine living in a world without him, and it scares me to pieces. Yet as of now, he is doing amazingly well: forced to give up caffeine, he feels healthier, stronger, better than he has in decades! "Relief" does not do justice to how I felt having heard that news.

I have met a man that has fallen head over heels, heart and soul in love with me. For the first time ever I am on the receiving end of a man's utter adoration, and I have gotten so lost in the joy and emotion that comes with being unconditionally loved that I simply have no words. Not yet anyway. But they will come.

I will be the proud auntie of two new baby girls before year's end, to total eight nieces and nephews. My family is growing by leaps and bounds, and there is nothing but happiness as each new life emerges. We have been so lucky.

I finished school, received a Masters degree for which I worked my tail off, traveled to Barcelona and Paris, visited my fabulous grandmother... All this, and I have thus far failed to write.

New Rule: Never stop writing. Never stop sharing. Never stop expressing yourself, your feelings, your thoughts with words. The art of expression is a muscle that requires constant exercise if it is to stay in shape, requires constant activity if it is to remain uniquely creative. Stay in the groove and tap into your creative self, today, tomorrow, always. Never stop writing.

-EJ

A cliché reborn as a New Rule

Today is the 10th. This month marks 9 months since papa passed away. I read something very recently that really stuck with me: “….if I had known that I had so few sesame seeds, I would have been more careful with them in my hands”.

So true! We take so much for granted. We fight with people knowing that they will be there tomorrow for us to make up with. We assume that the tomorrow itself will come. We sometimes wait till ‘tomorrow’ to say what is in our heart, not realizing that tomorrow may not come. Or that someone may not be there tomorrow.

New Rule: Time is limited. Resources are limited. Treat them as rare commodities.

- SR

Personal Teams....

EJ and I were sitting in Union Square Park last Friday. I was having a particularly shit day, and we’d met to have a look at plants in the Union Square Market. She suspected that something was not quite right with me that day and causally asked me what was up. I dismissed the question with a “Don’t want to talk about it”, and we checked out the plants etc. When we sat down later in the park, I think she sensed that I needed to talk, and she again asked me what the matter was. This time I had a mild attack of verbal diarrhea and I just started talking about all the things that were on my mind.

I felt SO much better after just talking to a trusted friend about what was going on in my life and what was upsetting me. But I was reluctant to talk to her in the first place b/c another ‘friend’ in the past once said to me “friends are not your therapists! If you want to talk about things get a therapist”. I kid you not, this is the general gist of what she said and it affected me so much that I never forgot her words, and from that time on, I always second guessed my decision to talk with friends b/c I did not want to feel like a burden on anyone.

EJ set me straight for once and for all. I don’t have any major psychological issues for which I seriously need a therapist. Sometimes we all just need a friend to talk to, and to put things in perspective. At times, just getting the thoughts out of your head makes it infinitely better.

New Rule: Life is a group project. Friends are people on our team who help us get through both good and bad times.

Newer Rule: Never be afraid to lean on your friends.

- SR

To fear or not to fear…..

I was chatting with a friend the other day and the conversation gravitated to events that would likely take place this coming weekend. Long story short: we were basically trying to predict how things would play out over the weekend, and we kept thinking and worrying about “what if this…?” or “what if that…?” We were basically trying to figure out how things would happen, and how she would/should react to those events.

And suddenly it hit me: we were worrying about things that may not even happen! But it wasn’t just us doing it this particular time. When I really thought about it, I realized that we all do this, all the time….and it is truly a very difficult thing to not do. Yet this is one of the most obvious time and energy sappers I’ve ever come across.

New Rule: Don’t worry about things that have not yet happened….they may never happen!

- SR

The true value of forgiveness

Forgiving another person is one of the most generous gifts one can ever give. It is also one of the hardest things to do. I think part of the reason it’s so hard to forgive is that we fail to recognize what forgiving someone else does for us. We only see forgiveness as something that alleviates someone else’s pain, and when we are in pain ourselves, that level of unselfish generosity is just not comprehensible.

It is important to realize that when you forgive someone, you also release yourself from the burden of being angry at him/her. Think about all the people you’ve been angry with…..now think about how much of your time and energy is wasted on such a useless emotion. And at the end of the day, that is what anger is. It is destructive and it leaves both people feeling negative.

New Rule: Forgive someone! It will release you from the bonds of anger and will also make someone else’s life easier.

- SR