In the months since my father passed away, I find myself thinking about him more than I ever did in our years together. One of the greatest gifts papa ever gave me was one particular piece of advice, and an example I hope to follow.
No matter what I did, no matter how bad it was….and believe me, there were some truly spectacular incidents during those horrible teenage years…..whenever I confessed to papa, and whenever I reached out to him for help on dealing with the messes that I had created, he always said “It’s over….now forget it, and move on. If you can make amends, do so. If you can’t, then just put it in the past and move on. Don’t look back”.
This single piece of advice has bought me many moments of peace, comfort and relief. It has allowed me to forgive myself for my mistakes, forgive others for their mistakes and resume ‘normal’ life.
New Rule: Leave the past in the past. Don’t let it color the present, or shape the future.
- SR
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Girls vs. Boys
Girls are stronger than boys. You know it, I know it, and the whole world knows it. Even scientists know it. Baby girls born prematurely are more than twice as likely to survive as baby boys born at the same weight. Women outlive men. Hell, they outLOVE men too!
So why are we afraid? Why do we feel like we “can’t”….that we’re not good enough or smart enough. We are all that and more.
Mother Nature was right. Girls are way stronger than we think we are. It’s time to recognize this, embrace it and giving ourselves all the credit that we deserver. And more!
New rule: You’re stronger than you think, more so b/c you’re a girl.
- SR
So why are we afraid? Why do we feel like we “can’t”….that we’re not good enough or smart enough. We are all that and more.
Mother Nature was right. Girls are way stronger than we think we are. It’s time to recognize this, embrace it and giving ourselves all the credit that we deserver. And more!
New rule: You’re stronger than you think, more so b/c you’re a girl.
- SR
Friday, June 29, 2007
The body as a gauge……
The human body is one of the most remarkable feats of nature. When something gets in your eye, it tears up and the tears wash out the offending intruder. When something irritates your nose, you sneeze to expel the foreign body. Same with coughing.
Pain in the body signals overexertion, or that something may be wrong. Sometimes, your body even knows things your mind is unwilling to recognize. A few years ago, I was in a relationship that just was just not healthy for me. Unsurprisingly, I kept getting sick. Looking back, I really do believe that my body was physically rejecting him…but I didn’t listen.
Whenever I am stressed, or am emotionally taxed, my body always reacts in precisely the same way. When I am stressed or worried, my stomach immediately gets upset. And when I am emotionally spent, my body and mind both shut down and I almost always need excessive amounts of sleep. There are times when I am worried or stressed or emotionally taxed, and my body is physically reacting to these situations, yet I am too preoccupied with life to even know why or to stop to figure out what it is that is causing these reactions. I have now learned to pause for a moment….to ask “why this now?” Almost inevitably, I find that my body is telling me that I need to pay attention to something in particular.
New Rule: Your body will explicitly tell you things you need to pay attention to. Stop ignoring it!
- SR
Pain in the body signals overexertion, or that something may be wrong. Sometimes, your body even knows things your mind is unwilling to recognize. A few years ago, I was in a relationship that just was just not healthy for me. Unsurprisingly, I kept getting sick. Looking back, I really do believe that my body was physically rejecting him…but I didn’t listen.
Whenever I am stressed, or am emotionally taxed, my body always reacts in precisely the same way. When I am stressed or worried, my stomach immediately gets upset. And when I am emotionally spent, my body and mind both shut down and I almost always need excessive amounts of sleep. There are times when I am worried or stressed or emotionally taxed, and my body is physically reacting to these situations, yet I am too preoccupied with life to even know why or to stop to figure out what it is that is causing these reactions. I have now learned to pause for a moment….to ask “why this now?” Almost inevitably, I find that my body is telling me that I need to pay attention to something in particular.
New Rule: Your body will explicitly tell you things you need to pay attention to. Stop ignoring it!
- SR
Thursday, June 28, 2007
A new dawn…..
Self-awareness is one of the most difficult and painful experiences. I realized something about myself today. Whenever I meet a new boy, I automatically think, “He’s the one! He’s perfect!” Mind you, this is usually about 6 weeks before I actually realize that he is so NOT the one and he is so NOT perfect.
Why is it that the minute you have some semblance of a connection with someone, you seem to lose total control of your senses, and your brain suddenly goes on hiatus?? I was going down the same road today when I had to put on the brakes and remind myself: I barely knew this guy! I needed a reality check. I needed to stop obsessing! I needed to stop focusing on only one person, and closing myself to the possibility of others. I hold on tightly to the first thing that meets my standards and don’t even consider the possibility of exploring other avenues. This is something I am seriously guilty of. And not just in relationships. I have a comfortable experience and I don’t even want to consider any new possibilities b/c they are new, uncertain and fraught with anxiety. This is one of the reasons, to some extent, that I am also where I am in my career today.
So, armed with this new knowledge, today I have decided to make a conscious attempt to break out of old habits and not be afraid of trying new things, and meet new people, no matter how scared I am.
New Rule: Get out of your own way! Recognize the patterns in your life, and if they don’t work for you, break them.
- SR
Why is it that the minute you have some semblance of a connection with someone, you seem to lose total control of your senses, and your brain suddenly goes on hiatus?? I was going down the same road today when I had to put on the brakes and remind myself: I barely knew this guy! I needed a reality check. I needed to stop obsessing! I needed to stop focusing on only one person, and closing myself to the possibility of others. I hold on tightly to the first thing that meets my standards and don’t even consider the possibility of exploring other avenues. This is something I am seriously guilty of. And not just in relationships. I have a comfortable experience and I don’t even want to consider any new possibilities b/c they are new, uncertain and fraught with anxiety. This is one of the reasons, to some extent, that I am also where I am in my career today.
So, armed with this new knowledge, today I have decided to make a conscious attempt to break out of old habits and not be afraid of trying new things, and meet new people, no matter how scared I am.
New Rule: Get out of your own way! Recognize the patterns in your life, and if they don’t work for you, break them.
- SR
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
…the chicken or the egg??
Thinking about things in my own life….in particular when times have been tougher than easier, I was specifically thinking about people in my life. Friend, relatives, neighbors…. people. Have you been in a situation where you thought someone would totally be there for you, or step up when shit hit the fan? And they didn’t? And then the unlikeliest of people stepped up and showed you who they are….
It is said that adversity builds character. I disagree. Strongly. I believe it shows your character. It shows who you really are, and what you’re made of. When we don’t know what to do, we usually revert back to our basic instincts, and who we truly are.
New Rule: Adversity doesn’t build character, it illuminates it.
- SR
It is said that adversity builds character. I disagree. Strongly. I believe it shows your character. It shows who you really are, and what you’re made of. When we don’t know what to do, we usually revert back to our basic instincts, and who we truly are.
New Rule: Adversity doesn’t build character, it illuminates it.
- SR
Monday, June 25, 2007
aaah, boys!!
If you’re like me, you generally torture yourself over any number of things. Today, the torture of choice is…”how come he has not called me yet?”
So many times, we want things so badly that we will do anything to get them. Things, a person, a boy…the list goes on. My particular dilemma today is….how many days after a good (at least you thought so!) date, is the boy supposed to call? If you have not heard from him, can you call him? Should you call him???? My life’s had less drama than usual, so I think I decided to give myself things to worry about and get anxious about….thus the ensuing worry about this particular boy. Mind you it’s not that the date was thaaaaaaaaaat fab…or anything like that. As blind dates go, it was a pleasant evening, but the truth is…it’s SO an ego thing! I want him to call b/c it feeds my ego. There, I’ve said it.
But in the middle all of this, I realized something else….things happen the way they are supposed to, and when they are supposed to. For ex, I could easily call the boy and have another date or two. But, ultimately, if he is uninterested enough to call, he will remain uninterested over the long run and I will have wasted additional time and effort only to end up in exactly the same place. Aaah the futility of effort!
New Rule: If it is meant for me, it will come to me.
- SR
So many times, we want things so badly that we will do anything to get them. Things, a person, a boy…the list goes on. My particular dilemma today is….how many days after a good (at least you thought so!) date, is the boy supposed to call? If you have not heard from him, can you call him? Should you call him???? My life’s had less drama than usual, so I think I decided to give myself things to worry about and get anxious about….thus the ensuing worry about this particular boy. Mind you it’s not that the date was thaaaaaaaaaat fab…or anything like that. As blind dates go, it was a pleasant evening, but the truth is…it’s SO an ego thing! I want him to call b/c it feeds my ego. There, I’ve said it.
But in the middle all of this, I realized something else….things happen the way they are supposed to, and when they are supposed to. For ex, I could easily call the boy and have another date or two. But, ultimately, if he is uninterested enough to call, he will remain uninterested over the long run and I will have wasted additional time and effort only to end up in exactly the same place. Aaah the futility of effort!
New Rule: If it is meant for me, it will come to me.
- SR
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