One of the most painful decisions I’ve ever made in my life so far was the decision to stop fighting for my dad’s life. But when the time to make this decision came, it was one of the simplest decisions I have ever made. Simple yet painful. Simple because I knew exactly what my father’s wishes were, and I knew, without a doubt, that my job was to carry those wishes out. Painful because I knew the implications of that decision.
When papa started taking a turn for the worse, I had to decide whether his chart should read DNR and/or DNI (Do not resuscitate/intubate). This was something we had discussed way before we had any inkling that cancer was lurking. Papa had always told me: It’s a numbers game: if there is a 60% chance that I will not ‘come out of it or be normal again”, then let me go; if there is a 60% chance that I will be fine, then fight for me; if it’s 50/50, then think as clearly and unemotionally as possible”. Further, he had always told us that he wanted any and all usable organs donated. And because he was enrolled in a clinical study for prostate cancer, he also specified that he wanted his body donated so that they could study the effects of the drugs.
I have had a similar conversation with my mother so that we each know, without a doubt, what the other’s wishes are. Do your loved ones know your wishes? Do you know theirs? Believe me, the day will come when you will need to make difficult decisions…..the time to prepare for them is now.
New Rule: Ask and Answer difficult questions. Now, while you have the physical and emotional capacity to do so.
- SR
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